I applied to a database management position on Craigslist.org. The man that got back to me was named Frank. He informed me that the job was actually filling out surveys online and that there was a onetime only, upfront fee that I would make up during my first day. I wrote him back. This was my response:
Dear Frank,
Please find a syringe and fill it with Windex and shoot it into your arm. While you slowly lose consciousness, fill out one of your precious surveys and drool onto your keyboard.
Eventually during your post injection trauma, your mind will begin to slip and the survey’s questions will seem more difficult to answer. The question “What is the length of your erect penis?” will surely become a paradox for you. One for the fact that you are an impotent coward, and second, the Windex will slow your mind down to the point where you won’t be sure what the meaning of “is” is.
A few months later when you have stopped paying your bills, your landlord will enter your room to find your smiling, ghostly, lifeless face holding down the "enter" key while you submit the same survey over and over again. The company that pays you to take the survey would no doubt go bankrupt with the amount of surveys you would have submitted in your months of solitude on top of the “enter” key.
I don’t think that another bankrupt company would be good for our economy. So I’ll have to decline your job offer.
Thank you,
Luke Longuski
No comments:
Post a Comment